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"Linux Gazette...making Linux just a little more fun!"

Linux Humor

By Mike Orr

[The following was passed on to us by David Baker. -Ed.]

Linux Hors d'Oeuvres

Here is a recipe for the cutest hors d'oeuvres, perfect for a Linux lunch or reception.

Slice a raw carrot into 1/8" thick discs. Cut a triangular wedge pie shape out of it and save the wedge. The disc becomes the feet and the wedge is the beak. Slice a Jumbo sized black olive lengthwise on one side, open it slightly and sutff cream cheese so that it shows about 1/4" wide. Stick a toothpick through it and into the carrot disc. This makes the body of the penguin. Slice a Large sized black olive crosswise, deep enough to stick the beak into and assemble it on the tooth pick for the head.

Our penguin factory can produce one in about two minutes using mass production. Make a big plateful because they sure go fast.

[The following was contributed by silkythreads@home.com. -Ed.]

Twas the Night before Y2K

Twas the night before Y2k, and all through the nation
We awaited "The Bug", the Millennium sensation.
The chips were replaced in the computers with care,
In hopes that ol'Bugsy wouldn't stop there.
While some folks could think they were snug in their beds,
Others had visions of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC, and I with my Mac
had just logged on the Net and kicked back with a snack.

When over the server, there arose such a clatter
I called help-support to see what was the matter.
But the support line line was busy, so I flew like a flash
Off to my bank to withdraw all my cash.
Then what do my wandering eyes chance to see ?
My good ol'Mac looked awfully sick to me.
The hack of all hackers was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be the Y2K Bug !

His image downloaded in no time at all,
He whistled and shouted "Let all systems fall!"
"Go Intel! Go Gateway! Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compaq! and Pentium too!
All processors big, all processors small,
Crash away! Crash away! Crash away all!
All the controls that planes need for their flights,
All microwaves, trains, and all traffic lights!"

As I drew in my breath and was turning around,
Out through the modem, he came with a bound.
He was covered with fur, and slung on his back
Was a sackful of virus, set for attack.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
As midnight approached, though, things soon became scary.

He had a broad little face and a round ugly belly
filled with nasty moving things, which quivered like jelly.
His little bug face was perpetually grinning,
I laughed when I saw him, though my hard drive had stopped spinning.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know a whole lot of dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work;
He changed all the clocks, the turned with a jerk.
With a twitch of his nose and a quick little wink,
All things electronic soon went on the blink.
He zoomed through my system, to the next folks on the line,
He caused such a distruption.  Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim with cheery delight
"Happy Y2K to you, on one helluva night!"

Copyright © 2000, Mike Orr
Published in Issue 49 of Linux Gazette, January 2000

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